apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
