I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
