idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
