There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How does one acquire holy water?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
