There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
