This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
