We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
