I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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