Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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