Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
