You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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