i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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