Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
