Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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