What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize