dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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