Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
