Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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