I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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