so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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