oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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