Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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