and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
