The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
