One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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