It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You can't motorboat a personality
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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