My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
