That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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