She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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