This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
