hotel room ftw
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
