I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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