How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
