I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
