i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar