I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
