Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
