I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
