just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
