Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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