i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
