It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
