How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
