how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
