brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
