Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
