I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
