I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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