How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
