We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
