Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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