"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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