im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
