i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
