This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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