Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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