but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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