I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
false alarm. still invincible.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
