I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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