My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
