I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Randomize
