He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
