Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
