i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
