Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
