what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
