vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
